The 2016 Rio Olympics kick off tonight with the opening ceremonies which will includes a staged mugging of world famous model, Gisele. But if she got robbed for real, no one would really be surprised. Leading up to these games it’s no secret that safety has been the main concern. (Not the Political turmoil the country is going through or the lack of financial stability of the country) Everyone is all “Zika this and Zika that,” and yes the outbreak of Zika with the epicenter of said outbreak being Rio is a tad concerning but everything is fine. I don’t expect athletes who have trained their whole lives at a shot at Olympic gold to pass on going just because of some mosquitos. I know there are a lot of the high profile athletes giving their national teams the “hard pass” but that’s not surprising. These athletes (mostly golfers and NBA’ers) don’t rely on the Olympics to make their name or living. They are doing just fine without some fake gold around their neck. So yeah I don’t see these games being affected too much due to safety concerns. USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!
“Daily Gun Battles and Police Killings Have Olympic Officials Concerned”
You know how I know Brazil is a third world country and should never have been awarded the Olympic Games? Continue reading “Rio Olympics Are Upon Us and Everything Is Fine”
The suspended Brazilian President, Dilma Rousseff, says she will not attend the opening ceremony of the Rio Olympics because she does not want to take a secondary position in the Maracana stadium.
A spokesman for the interim President, Michel Temer, said she would have been placed in the stand below him and not at his side.
Her predecessor, Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, has also refused the invitation despite being instrumental in Rio’s winning bid to host the games.
Both have said they are being politically persecuted by Mr Temer’s party and allies.
Ms Rousseff faces possible removal from office if she loses an impeachment trial shortly after the games and Lula is facing corruption allegations, which he denies.
Couple things. First, I think we should definitely have the ability to suspend our President. I’m not talking about like a serious suspension where you’re about to get impeached like what’s happening in Brazil right now, I’m talking like middle school you got in trouble for making clay boobs instead of a pinch pot in art class level of suspension. More of a time out for a political blunder rather than an ultimatum for President’s on Impeached Row.
Second, and most importantly, gotta steal the Presidential sash right? Continue reading “Suspended President Rousseff Skipping the Opening Ceremony of Rio Olympics”
Via The Guardian: Parts of a mutilated body have washed up on the sands of Copacabana beach in Rio de Janeiro just meters from where beach volleyball athletes will compete in the upcoming Olympics. The discovery is the latest to unnerve the city as it grapples with rising crime, a recession and exhausted state finances at a time when it hoped to be celebrating the first Olympics ever held in South America. It was unclear Wednesday afternoon what conditions may have led to the mutilated body but a policeman standing guard by a security perimeter confirmed its existence to Reuters.
“At the copa, Copacabana! The hottest spot north of Havana. At the copa, Copacabana! Music and passion were always the fashion. At the copa they fell in love!” When it rains it pours, am I right Rio? If it’s not police officers and fireman holding up “Welcome to Hell” signs at the airport, or ZIKA ridden mosquitoes turning everyone into mutants, then it’s mutilated bodies washing up on beaches where Olympic Volleyball matches are going to be played in a couple weeks. You expect the GOAT’s Misty May* and Kerri Walsh to bump, set, spike the competition into oblivion when there are rotting corpses bumping into their ankles? I think not. Serious question here, could the Rio Olympics actually be going any worse? I mean people were up in arms about Sochi in 2014 because all the toilets weren’t installed yet and there were a couple stray dogs. Rio is making Sochi look like the fucking Garden of Eden right now. What would it actually take for the IOC to move the Olympics somewhere else? Would Rio have to be struck by a meteor? I think maybe that would get the job done, possibly? Clearly anything less than that isn’t going to do the trick.
*Yeah I’m aware Misty retired and Kerri has some new partner now but I refuse to learn the name of another volleyball player.
Listen, I’m not sure what the Zika Virus is. Is it the Swine Flu of 2016? Are we living through another round of Ebola? Remember when Bird Flu was going to cause the zombie apocalypse? Every year some new virus pops up, or some old virus flares up like…well herpes…and it takes the world by storm. Cubicles become desanitatizing overload stations, hypochondriacs get a false sense of “I told you so,” and then winter comes and wipes the earth away from the disease until next year when some new super virus is found. Don’t get me wrong, I fully believe eventually something has to cause the zombie apocalypse, but at this point we are in a “boy who cried wolf” situation. Continue reading “The Zika Virus Will Have the Most Gold Medals By The End of the Olympics”
I know what you’re thinking. “Hey, Coach, shouldn’t you be more worried about the NBA finals than the Olympics?” Sure. That’s valid. But if anything, I am an American first and then a Cleveland fan, so ipso facto shut your trap-o.
The Olympics are great for several reasons. 1) It gives you obscure sports during the summer, the slowest time for sports unless you’re a baseball nerd. 2) Enthusiastic patriotism. and 3) The stories. The olympic organizers this year are giving out a whopping 450,000 condoms, or enough for every athlete to have sex 84 times. You don’t do that without a bazillion stories to go alongside.
As mentioned in Pod:30, I am an avid fan of Olympic Diving. True, on the spot I could not name a single diver besides
Amanda Johnson from UCLA Yu Bu from the Chinese team in 2012, but I still enjoy the sport. Mostly because, I can’t dive for shit. Live look at me trying to dive. Continue reading “The Blog You’ve All Been Waiting For: The Rio 2016 Olympic Diving Preview”