The Great Dragon Debate of 2016

dragon

Interesting. Very interesting indeed. Listen, I’m a dragon guy. Always have been, always will be. I’m not saying I own kimonos with dragons on them as I stare at my sword collection and throw ninja stars around my house, but I’m well versed in all media portrayal of dragons. I done seen Smaug get desolated. I was kicking it with Pete’s Dragon before DVDs were invented. Where were you when Liu Kang finished off Shao Kahn in Mortal Kombat: Annihilation? I was watching with bated fire breath in my basement.

And yes, I obviously fucks with Game of Thrones. You don’t become the #1 blog of choice in Finland and not cover Game of Thrones.* Let’s just say if I had to grade myself on a dragon…scale…I would put myself at about 7/10, mostly because I’m my own biggest critic, but I do believe I can accurately tell you whether this dragon is real or not.

Let’s start out this investigative journalistic piece by examining the timing of this dragon. I think the fact that it’s coming out of hiding now is actually a point in the “this dragon is real” camp. If it came out when the last Hobbit movie debuted, or during any airings of the GoT series, we could obviously rule it out as fake. Unless we have a self-aware, self centered Smaug like dragon on our hands (doubtful) who wanted to steal the dragon spotlight away from all the make believe ones, you’re going to come out of hiding when the spotlight is on you and only you. You gotta hedge your bets in the dragon world, because of dragon pride obviously, so it’s better to rule the audience outright than compete with George R.R. Martin. Game of Thrones is so cool fake dragons would trump the real ones, so strategically speaking this was great timing by this son of a bitch. Dragons are still relevant, but this isn’t a peak suspicious time of year for a Dragon sighting to have me immediately dismiss it as false.

Now let’s talk about world events. The Dragons came back in the non-fictional Game of Thrones to help Ms. Stormborn take back the iron throne. A blonde hair lady sitting on the most powerful Throne in the world. I sure do wish we were at a point in history where a blonde haired lady was about to sit on the most powerful throne in the worl…..say wha???? Shit does this mean Hill-dog is actually old Khaleesi? FUCK that’s awesome. Again, more proof that this dragon is real.

Dragon’s also make appearances…REAL appearances…and there are always tell tale signs. In Lord of The Rings, Smaug’s golden ass came back as the prefix to the return of Sauron. In Harry Potter, the book pairs showing dragons into their world with the return of live action Lord Voldemort. (Yeah, I say his name.) Spyro appeared and BOOM! Playstation took over the world…the point is, these dragons only appeared during major shifts/struggles in power in the world. We may not have red comets bleeding in the sky, but we DO have a major shift in power.

ohio

That’s right, Cleveland. Cavaliers won a championship, the Indians won the pennant and are heading into the World Series, and Urban Meyer only wins a championship if his team does NOT go undefeated, so Ohio State losing to the Penn State Lannisters Lions actually helps the theory. Sure, you could counter that the Browns suck but, c’mon, not even a dragon could save the Browns.

The timing checks out, the world events certainly favor it…last thing to do is the ol’ eye check…

Nah, that dragon is fake as fuck.

-Coach
@ApacheZack
@Blog30Tweets

*5% of Finland’s population has seen 1 blogpost on our website that had nothing to do with Game of Thrones

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