Weekend Football Favorites

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You know what the best part of football season is? It’s not fantasy football, it’s not tailgates, it’s not arguing about who should be in the college football playoff, and it’s not watching Chris Berman WHOOP! himself into a stroke. No the best part about football season is that you get to sit on your couch for two straight days and when someone asks you what you did over the weekend you get to say, “I watched football.” Boom. The entire slovenly affair of eating chips off your chest, not showering for 36 hours, and drinking 1000 beers is justified with that simple statement. If you have a weekend like that the other 8 months of the year and tell someone about it, well, then they think you’re a drunk slob. But not during football season.

Anyway, one thing I like to do while I’m having a productive football watching weekend is mindlessly scroll through Twitter. From time to time I’ll see a tweet I like and giggle to myself. Friday it dawned on me to keep track of my likes and bring them to you as sort of a running commentary of the weekend. So if anyone wants to ask me, “What’d you do this weekend?”, here’s your answer.

Louisville’s Lamar Jackson got the football weekend start by continuing to be an electric factory. If you don’t know him yet, get acquainted.

If the Dab was dead then this kid at the Texas A&M game resurrected it like it was Jesus Christ. Unfortunately that kid did later pass away himself. . .from all the pussy he drowned in.

The Ringer’s Claire McNear wrote a great reaction to Cam Newton getting his brains scrambled Thursday night and apparently the New York Times thought she was being a little “hyperbolic”. She wasn’t, and fuck you New York Times print media is dead anyway.

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Feits cooked ’em.

TCU student section bringing the heat. Sources say she was texting Mr. Jersey. I say, no comment.

Big Brett diving deep into the playbook for that one. Hogs ended up getting the job done in OT too. Live look at Bielema postgame:

Doc and VT have had better weekends. You shouldn’t fumble three straight possessions and you shouldn’t put money on 15 team parlays. I’ll let you figure out who did which.

I bet Doc’s bookie had a pretty nice time though.

Zebra down! Zebra down! I have a feeling there may be a suspension coming from this one.

The ESPN Fantasy Football app crashing the first Sunday of the season, a tradition unlike any other. Christ Almighty ESPN, how am I supposed to know that I’m going 0-3 if I can’t check my stats every 8 seconds? Clean it up.

It’s cool. I heard he lost 75lbs this offseason so he’s still down 45. \

*slams head in refrigerator repeatedly for drafting Eddie Lacy again*

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Doc had Oklahoma State, lol.

In classic RGIII fashion he made a couple of flashy plays, got injured, and took the L to end the day. Somebody get the Browns Kyle Orton’s number.

Snitches get stitches Joe.

Jack Del Rio pulled out the cahones and went for two with :04 left on the clock to beat Drew Brees and the Saints in New Orleans People got creative, his daughter noticed. Nothing better than seeing people talk about your dad’s balls on the internet. Every girl’s dream, or so I’ve heard.

No Fun League gonna No Fun League. Scramble the quarterbacks brains all you want but don’t you fucking dare wiggle your hips.

Bill your thoughts?
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Steelers/Redskins tomorrow night and then 49ers/Rams as the disgusting nightcap that you regret the next morning. Ya boy needs Big Ben and Antonio to play we all know they can to squeak out at least one win this weekend.

-Mr. Jersey

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